dilemma life choices not always easy to make

[harma]

this question is not MC related, but life related in general. As you all know, the last year I have been living on and off in Jordan, last fall three months and this spring and summer for 5 months. Now I am back in Groningen for almost a month. At the moment I have the feeling I have to make a decision that is going to change my life for ever (have to, maybe want to is better expression).

Being back is great, I love my house (that is really the best part of being here, being in my own house), my house its not rented I bought it 13 years ago. It fits like an old comfortable coat. My bathroom, sitting on my sofa, my little garden, my balcony. It has been my save harbor for 13 years. Also walking through my little town, I love it. Its small, but also has everything, just like a little Amsterdam. Everything is within walking distance, the library (where they have my terrific audio books), the cinema, the bars, the nice cosy cafe's, restaurants, shops, coffee shops (the real ones for a nice coffee and not the "other famous ones), the gym. I know this town town so well. I have everything here, my friends, my social life, nice neighbors, my gym with a pool, parking in front of my house and it's so organized and clean and easy here compared to Amman.

So one voice in my head is really asking me "do you really want to give this all up?" "Why on earth do I want to leave?" and this whole Jordan thing "Is that really what you want?"

If I listen to my mind it is telling me, don't give up what you have, stay here, start a business here, you can work with international people here etc. in other words you know what you have and stay in your comfortable life here. This is the side that makes sense.

But (yes of course here is the but), if I go inside in meditation than there comes that other part the adventurous part, the part, the voice, that has been talking to me now for 4 years now. Go to Jordan, go live in the middle east. The last year was trying out, staying there, but still not really being there, I still had my house in Groningen and always the chance to go back. And now it feels like I have to make a choice (want to make choice). Its a fact I can't afford two houses. Today I realtor came to my house. I am going to sell my house (of course it's not sold yet and there still is a way back). And really now it starts to feel like serious. I am going to make a choice, here or there. And I have never felt more confused than ever.

Listen to my mind, play save, knowing what I have and stick to that or listen to my heart (intuition) and take the risk and jump into it.

It feels having to let go of things, saying goodbye to things that were so important to me, it almost feels like mourning. Also I have the feeling I am letting my parents down, who hate it that I move so far away.

Its a very confusing time, I am looking for advices and approval of other people, but in the end I know, its my life and its only me that can make this decisions.

But still, especially letting go of my house, feels so definite.



It's probably more than just selling a house, it's an end of life phase, saying goodbye to my life here and that strikes me hard

[tex]

Harma,

Have you ever written down the reasons why you want to move to Jordan, and carefully analyzed them, and compared them with the reasons for remaining in Groningen?

Your post listed many good reasons for remaining in Groningen, but I didn't see a single reason listed which explained why you might want to move to Amman, other than a suggestion that moving to Jordan is "adventurous". That says a lot about how you actually feel. Maybe you just need to find ways to enjoy more "adventure" in the Netherlands, (or the surrounding countries).

Perhaps your past year's adventures in Jordan were enough to satisfy you for a while, and now you're ready for a new adventure? Or maybe you would enjoy spending some time at home, writing about your adventures?

Tex

[Joefnh]

Hi Harma, I can fully understand the feelings you are dealing with regarding the decision to make the move more permanent. As I have been looking at the move to Oz those same feelings have been on my mind for the past 9 months. It's hard to want to leave a place like my home where things are comfortable and 'fit' well. All of friends are here and I know where every little shop is that has whatever I need.

For me the decision point came in 2 pieces. The first piece is am I getting any younger and will these opportunities be here in another year or so... The truthful answer to myself was I am not getting any younger and these opportunities like a cloud form for but a time, and if I wanted to take advantage of the situation I needed to act now.

Then second piece came down to simply wanting to follow my heart... From what I can tell, we as a society do not often say following our heart is the 'wisest' course of action, many view it as being irresponsible. After much thought I came to the conclusion that having the opportunity to follow ones heart was not an act of being irresponsible, but it was a gift that was being given to us... It is a rare gift and a rare opportunity.

So Harma even though my existing pathway to Oz is not working out, I am still going to be looking for opportunities to follow my heart, many times the dream is not just a place, but it can also be a person.

Best of wishes to you as you think about your dreams. View them as the gift that they may very well be, and accept them as you feel comfortable.

Joe

[Polly]

Hi Harma,

Your posts are always so open, honest, and genuine! I can really feel your confusion and pain about this big decision. Of course, only you can make the choice. Here are some questions/considerations to ponder that might help you think things through. I do NOT expect you to answer them here!

1. Why Jordan? Are you locked into Jordan? Perhaps another country would be easier for pursuing your dreams.
2. Are there things (or people) in your native country that you would like to avoid/escape?
3. In general (up to now) have you been more comfortable leading with your head or your heart?
4. Do you believe that one of the above (head or heart) is inherently more valuable or more authentic?
5. How important to you are the people (old friends/relatives) in your life? Would you have a problem living so far away from your parents as they age and begin to need more assistance?
6. Do you feel that being "comfortable" is somehow taking the easy path or implies something negative about a person?
7. Do you feel that selling your house is essential for you to commit to your dream? Why couldn't you rent for a while longer until things become clearer?

Good luck! I'll be thinking of you and most interested in your decision.

Love,

Polly

[harma]

dear friends, thanks for your responses, as always for any problem this is the best place for any advice, its almost eleven now and I am going to sleep, I will sleep a night on it.

[sarkin]

Harma,

Sleep well, and know that you are asking all the right questions (and there are no wrong answers).

Thank you for entrusting us with these deeply personal reflections - it is truly an honor,

Sara

[Sharaine]

Harma,

I agree with all of the posted responses here. It is such an honor that you chose to ask us for advice. As you said, only you can know what is right for you.

I know you will figure this out. Remember, we are all here, no matter where you end up.

Hugs, Sharaine

[Gabes-Apg]

Harma
like you i have made changes in my life, moved jobs/towns.
i got quite unsettled when i got the health issues and had to have scopes again. my plan with the move was to make life with MC easier, and with that would come better level of wellness, settlement
?fulfillment. some level of assurance that what i was doing was right.

some months of pondering and contemplation is that there is no right or wrong, there is what is. (mmm maybe i should follow my own advice, there is no right way or wrong way there is my way)

In MC world when we make decisions we find out what works and what doesnt, and that become a big part of the decisions we make, stick with the things that work and avoid the things that cause issues with MC.

this thought process has become a big part of our lives, food we buy, clothes we buy, the bathroom set up of our housing, the scheduling of our day, hobbies and activities we do, the times that we travel, where we go on holidays, even to an extent the car we buy if we want to have a fridge for our food.

outside of our bodies, other decisions we make we dont get that clear indicator of right and wrong, so it is hard to know (?trust) if it is right or wrong.
my advice is dont look at the options as safe or risky, or that there will be consequences for making the wrong decision, there is what is and we make it work.

there is a blog website i read frequently called 'the genie within' this is a portion of the latest entry

All to often we listen to what every one else tells us is best for us – whether it’s business or personal. And if the person sharing the advice is successful in his or her own right, it’s enticing to follow the advice vs. taking into consideration what he or she has shared and then taking the time to listen to that still deep voice within who always knows what’s best for us. As you may know, I call that your Genie. And the other voice? The one who is more easily swayed toward other’s opinions - your Gremlin.

I, too, get caught up listening to others from time to time, but my inner GPS – Genie Purpose Signal – always sets me back on course.

We all have a GPS and unless it’s turned on it just can’t help us. I invite you to turn yours on and tune into it. Whatever you're feeling confused about in your life the answer comes more easily when you quiet down enough to listen to the wisdom of your Genie. Once that wisdom is revealed take the next step and act on the guidance you've been given.


people will say follow your heart, if you are unsettled or confused then part of the issue is that you are struggling to know what you heart wants. I dont have the easy answer or the decoder to know what your heart wants. if you can look at the choices as equals not right or wrong it might make the decision less stressful.

hope this helps...
big aussie hugs

[jme22]

Hi Harma,

Such thoughtful and wonderful responses. Honestly, I don't think there is another health board out there that has more wise and kind participants.

I agree with Tex. You wrote so beautifully about your home town. Honestly, it was like reading a recruitment poster...you made me want to move there! As Tex noted, your comments about moving to Jordan were far fewer and focused on finding adventure. Could you somehow fulfill that sense of adventure by staying in Groningen? Does one have to be exclusive of the other? Perhaps a new business venture or career challenge. Maybe even one that would allow you to ocassionally travel/work from Jordan. The best of both worlds!

Harma, my sense from your previous posts is that your spirit of adventure is a part of your very soul and not something that can be dictated by your address. Sometimes the answer we seek is right there in front of us. I hope you find that to be the case, no matter what your decision in the end.

Wishing you the best,

Julie

[MaggieRedwings]

Morning Dear Harma,

I so want to be able to say just do one or the other but it is truly a decision that only you can make but the advice that has been given here is so, so valid. Tex said it well and Polly's questions to ask yourself are so right on. When my husband and I decided to go from the large home and acres of property we owned to an over 55+ (retirement) community the questions were many. I did as I always do. I took a pad of paper and made 2 columns - (1) for Why to Stay where we were (2) why should we move. After writing down all of our reasons pro and con we saw that we had over 20 reasons to move - from age to $$ - and only 5 reasons to stay. That was black and white for us and greatly influenced our decision. I am praying for you to be able to make the decision that is right for YOU!

Love, Maggie

[mbeezie]

Harma,

Such a big decision - I feel your struggle.

As I read through your post I was wondering if it was possible that you satisfied what you were trying to achieve by moving to Jordan in the first place. Did you keep a journal? Well, you sort of did on this board, so maybe go back and read your previous threads - it might help you to remember what you were feeling before you started this journey.

Shooting good thoughts your way to help you find some clarity.

Love,

Mary Beth

[Gloria]

Harma,

This is a pretty big decision with many ramifications. I agree with Maggie, Tex and Polly - write down the pros and cons and, I would suggest, pray about it. I hope you can be at peace with your decision.

Gloria

[harma]

Again thank you all so much for your thoughts prayers and responses, I feels so great, this board supporting me in any aspect of my life. Of course I don't expect for anyone here to get an answer, since I know the only one that can give you the answer is me (as for any life decision other people can advice you, but in the end you who concerns the decision has to life with it).

I found my answer this morning in a magazine reading in the PCP waiting room (I have an ear infection, nothing new or serious but any time I get water in my ears, bingo), it's an amazing magazine, a dutch one, called Happinez. In there I read two columns of a dutch writer and Paulo Coelho. The essence of it, live the life you want to life, don't hold back and take the risks you need to take (my translation of it).

I have an inner deeper knowing (you can call that the voice of god) that always tells me what to do and guides my through life (its not a separate indentity its part of who I am). For one or the other reason I have the feeling to move on, to make that move to Jordan I have to sell my house here. Why? Despite how much I like this city and my life here in Groningen, its ready here, its finished, it is really time to move on. What convinced me to going on and selling it, even when I would come back to the Netherlands I would not want to return to this city, I probably would return to this part of the Netherlands (really its so much better here than around Amsterdam, Rotterdam, Utrecht, the Hague, nature, quiet) but I would prefer a village over the city. So in that aspect I am a bit like you Gabes. So whatever it is going to be Jordan or the country sides of the Northern Netherlands, the future will tell.

It's the fear of letting go. Things that feel so familiar. But even familiar things can become an obstacle.

After being to the PCP and reading great parts in that magazine I had coffee with a great friend, and had a good talk about. Thanks to her I could put things in perspective. I will make a good profit on my house once I sell it. She reminded me of something I always had in mind (but one or the other way had forgotten it), leave a large lump of money on a saving account, a buffer for if things go wrong I can always start over somewhere else again.

Its not like reading this morning that magazine and talking to my friend, I heard/read those things I wanted to hear and go on with something. It's more, I recognized it, and made things clear.

And at the same time, I am getting idea's of what I want to do in Jordan, set up a silence/retraite center in/around Petra. That's a long term goal. And going along with my idea's of all kind of cultural activities in Amman (the short term).

It's a huge step, same as 4 years ago when I left my last real job.

Again thanks all so much for your replies. I appreciate it so much.

harma

[mbeezie]

Harma,

I have an inner deeper knowing (you can call that the voice of god) that always tells me what to do and guides my through life (its not a separate indentity its part of who I am).

I agree - follow that and you will always be guided in the right direction.

I have enjoyed following your journey and look forward to seeing where life takes you.

Warm regards,

Mary Beth

[tex]

Harma,

I agree with you, (and with Mary Beth), you've made the decision that is right for you at the moment, (and the moment is all that we have to cling to - the past is history, and the future is unknown).

After deciding to make a major life-altering change, IMO, it's best to proceed as though it is now the only possibility, and all the other options are irrelevant. IOW, make up your mind that you will not have any regrets, no matter what happens, because when you are pursuing your goal, there is never a valid reason to have any regrets about your decision. If you maintain this attitude, you can't fail, (and you won't fail), because nothing is as empowering as pursuing your dream.

Please keep us updated. You are doing what virtually all of us would love to do, but most of us will probably never have the opportunity, nor the motivation to see it through.



Tex