I Missed Understanding People...

humbird753 · Post by **humbird753** » Tue Dec 27, 2011 9:45 pm

Hi everyone,

My husband and I went out of town to visit my husband's mother who lives 3-1/2 hours away. He also has a sister who lives fairly close to his mom, and she knows I've been going through something. My husband told his sister I was on a strict gluten-free diet. She said that's okay, and she understood. And said we should come to her place for Xmas Eve evening and dinner on Xmas day and bring their mom.

I wasn't surprised, but was disappointed to see how she didn't understand anything at all. All the dishes she made, including the meat, contained sauces, creamed soups, crackers, gravies, and many other additives. In addition to all of the food being bad, she also had tons of the Xmas bakery goods. When I told her I couldn't eat any of it, she said she had vegetables (cold fresh vegetables), which I told her I couldn't eat either. I am so thankful that since being here, I know I have to bring my own food.

I know I have read what others have said about how everyone feels sooooo sorry for us because we can't eat what they're eating. I can see I have to learn to ignore everyone. They spent the entire holiday time we spent together "drilling" me about the diet, how long did I have to be on it, etc...... I know I've said before that I can see gluten-intolerance issues around me. When I said that I was referring to my husband's family with rheumatoid arthritis, thyroid issues, psoriasis, among others. So when answering some of the questions they had for me, I tried to point out that not only does my situation require a gluten-free diet, but that other autoimmune diseases require it as well. It went completely over all of them. They were too consumed in feeling sorry for me.

Incidentally, we had a typical experience when going to a dinner we have before Xmas every year with 5 other couples. It was held at one of the other couple's home this year. She also said she understood. While sitting at the table we had put all the foods on, I watched her as she took the pork and beef out of the oven, placed the sliced meat on a plate, then poured gravy over all of it!!!!

Nobody seems to understand what food in its natural state means.

I am so glad it's over.

NOT COMPLAINING - just expressing the education I gained while being gone.

I hope everyone is doing well.

Paula

Lesley · Post by **Lesley** » Tue Dec 27, 2011 10:00 pm

Paula, I am glad you had food with you. Interesting experience.

MBombardier · Post by **MBombardier** » Wed Dec 28, 2011 12:12 am

Paula, welcome to the board. I am sorry you had to go through that, but as you said, it's a pretty typical experience for most of us. There are lots of posts, especially around the holidays, about dealing with well-meaning but (for the most part) clueless friends and relatives. You will get your life back, and by next Christmas you will probably be able to eat some things and/or people will be accustomed to you bringing your own.

My Christmas was spent with several families, and I ate ham, spinach salad, and broiled asparagus. I made gluten-free cherry cheesecake, which I could not eat because of the dairy and corn syrup, but my girls could, and everyone else enjoyed it too--didn't miss the gluten at all. I made pumpkin pie with coconut milk and almond crust that I could eat. I took a gamble eating what other people had fixed in non-gluten-free kitchens, and I did have a reaction the next day. But it could have also been stress, a virus, more sugar than I was used to, etc., etc.

In a strange way, I think it was good for my son to see me reacting. We talked a little about what a fad GF is right now, and how frustrating that is for those of us who truly need to be gluten-free. He is adamantly against going gluten-free, though he has inherited a gene from me, but he is less vehement about it. Last year he ran out in the yard and spit out part of a roll when he discovered it was gluten-free. This year he ate some GF monkey bread and actually called it good.

JLH · Post by **JLH** » Wed Dec 28, 2011 9:38 am

Progress.

maestraz · Post by **maestraz** » Wed Dec 28, 2011 10:07 am

Hi Paula,
I understand your disappointment about the holiday dinner situation. I have been part of a dinner group for the last ten+ years, and naturally that has become a challenge of the same type. My friends in the group of five couples understand that I am eating GF/DF due to MC, not just as a fad, but seem to be skeptical as to how this could have come upon me so suddenly last year.

In any case, my response has been to tell them that I do not ever expect them to adjust the whole group's menu on my behalf. But I do ask that if they plan to make something of which they cannot give me a plain portion, or if it contains gluten/dairy, that they let me know ahead, so I can bring my own food. At the most recent dinner, there was one fresh veggie appetizer I could eat, and I ended up bringing my own salad dressing, plus sorbet for dessert. The hosts served my meat un-gravied, and I was able to eat the veggies, which were un-sauced. Sometimes, I will need to bring more. When I host, obviously it's easier to control, and the last time I did (the hosts do main course) it was all GF/DF, but "regular" food, which no one objected to.

This Christmas, I tried a GF/DF angel food cake recipe, which I thought others might consent to try. When it was all done, it looked so un-appetizing that my husband and I decided we'd better try a piece. It was too nasty even for me, and we threw it out. Sorbet for me again, cookies for everyone else, oh well.
I always eat a little something before going to others' homes, just in case.

It's annoying to have to think this much about food, isn't it?

patc73 · Post by **patc73** » Wed Dec 28, 2011 11:47 am

Suze, I've been trying (and failing at) GF recipes, too. At Thanksgiving, I did a "crustless pumpkin pie", which was okay, but nobody would eat it but me (it tasted "funny"). And at Christmas, I tried a GF recipe I found online for apple-pumpkin strudel. Yuck. It is way too tart and the crust is too hard. Oh, well, I'm learning. At least my wonderful sister fed us well at Christmas dinner: roast beef (plain), green beans (plain), rice (plain), GF doughnuts and brownies, and salads. It helps that she has 75% chance of being gluten-sensitive, since genetically, I've got a 100% chance! (Two copies of the gene.) My mom still is in denial, though.

Pat

MBombardier · Post by **MBombardier** » Wed Dec 28, 2011 12:45 pm

Somewhere in Dee's Kitchen there is a recipe for subbing GF flours for wheat flour in recipes. It's 70% flours to 30% starches. Since I can't do rice, I use sorghum, millet, and others for the flour, and since I can't do corn, I use potato, tapioca, or arrowroot (or all of them) for the starch. Sometimes it takes xanthan gum, sometimes not. That's kind of an experimental thing. I am happy when it does not.

The final component is to weigh the GF mix, not measure it. A cup of wheat flour weighs between 120 and 142 gms depending on who you ask. So you weigh out that much GF flour mix to sub for a cup of wheat flour. You should be able to pretty much make any recipe you used to make with wheat flour. The taste will be different, but you can experiment with which flours taste the best.

I have had a great deal of success finding really good recipes online, especially those that don't use xanthan gum or gelatin. The GF monkey bread my daughter made for breakfast on Christmas was in every way identical to the cinnamon rolls that were our tradition before we all went GF.

Lesley · Post by **Lesley** » Wed Dec 28, 2011 2:53 pm

Marliss,
We seem to have many of the same sensitivities. I would LOVE to have some of your recipes, especially the ones using no gums or geletine. . Your method is very interesting - weight for cup measure. I knew I bought a scale for a reason.

Recipe for the monkey bread please?

nancyl · Post by **nancyl** » Wed Dec 28, 2011 3:03 pm

Paula,
It can be tough when you eat at someone else's home or a buffet at a restaurant. If you can get them to make gravy using corn starch or arrowroot, can you eat that? We made a great beef gravy on Christmas with a recipe from Giada (Food Network). It was all GF. The veggies were too. For the mashed potatoes we used ghee and almond milk. I just didn't eat the desserts, I had my own chocolate chip cookies.

Nancy

Robin · Post by **Robin** » Wed Dec 28, 2011 8:26 pm

It seems that all holidays are centered around food. I always have most of the holidays here at my house (for some reason I am the one with the largest house everyone else has down sized). So since the holidays are here I do things my way. Everything is GF,SF,DF however because my husband has not converted I still make sauces and gravies that are not GF, SF, and DF. But I also make my own safe gravies and sauces for me. This Christmas I was to tired so I didn't make any of the sauces for him. I just made mine and they were a huge hit. I have a confession to make I didn't tell anyone that they were GF,SF and DF. Also all my desert were my safe foods and no one said a word.

I have also learned that I ALWAYS bring my own food where ever I go (even to my best friend who as been with me since the beginning of this MC war). I just tell them that being as sick as I have been I am not taking a chance that there is some hidden ingredient that I cant have. They are usually okay with that statement. However, I have found that lately when I do go to someone home they are asking me to try my food. They are also asking a lot of question about food sensitivities. Which I find interesting because a year ago I didn't even know that I had one.

Robin

Post by **tex** » Wed Dec 28, 2011 9:18 pm

Robin,

Good for you, for successfully pulling off that trick with the safe sauces and deserts. That will save you a heck of a lot of time and labor, in the long run. Obviously, you're a great cook, to be able to get away with that on all those items, because I'm sure you had some extremely discriminating taste testers.

Love,
Tex

MBombardier · Post by **MBombardier** » Wed Dec 28, 2011 9:28 pm

Ultimate Sticky Monkey Bread recipe is now in Dee's Kitchen.

Good for you, Robin!

I actually made my husband go GF here at home. When he eats out he eats what he wants. But at least I know that I won't be glutened in my own kitchen, which happened at times before I declared our house off-limits to gluten.

Robin · Post by **Robin** » Wed Dec 28, 2011 10:28 pm

Tex, I have always loved to cook. I am not a great baker but I can cook. I think the reason my food taste good because its All natural and simple. I don't ever use anything from a box or a can. I use only fresh or frozen ingredients. I grow all my own herbs and spices. If I cant grow it I only buy it fresh. I think it makes a huge difference. I have to admit Christmas Eve was interesting. But no one complained as a matter of fact I got a lot of complements. I will give you an example...I make crab cakes usually using Ritz crackers well since I cant have Ritz crackers I used brown rice crackers with a little ghee in it. I didn't use an egg I used a little arrowroot to bind all the ingredients together. I broiled them instead of frying. They were a huge hit and nobody mentioned the difference. I believe that it doesn't matter what the ingredients are as long as it taste good at the end. Just because we are on a GF, SF, and DF diet doesn't mean we have to substitute flavor. I would never serve anything to anyone that I haven't taste tested myself.
As for my desert thats a different story. I have always made traditional desert, such as, red velvet cake, cheese cake, rainbow cookies and canoli's. This year there was none of that and though the desert I made were delicious there were complaints that the non traditional food wasn't on the table. OH well! I told them its time for new traditions and they were happy.

I wish I could make my husband go gluten free! That will never happen. All Of my food that I prepare is gluten free and he will eat it. He still has to have his bread. I even have him eating brown rice pasta. I do treat him every once in awhile to his breaded chicken cutlets. But most of the time it is ALL my safe food that he eats. Its only been six months for my diet but the more he eats of my diet the more he likes. So if the only thing he keeps is bread I can live with that. And if I ever find a great bread recipe I am sure he would eat that instead of his.

Love Robin

Lesley · Post by **Lesley** » Wed Dec 28, 2011 10:53 pm

When I was younger I loved to cook, and to bake. Now my ability to make things taste good is working on my favor because I hate tasteless food and can cook just about everything.
Baking - now that's a different story. Every recipe I find has at LEAST one ingredient I can't eat, so I need to substitute. I am having difficulty finding recipes with minimum substitutions because each flour is so different, and the proportions change all the time. Most recipes use rice flour, which I can't have, so I have to find the right substitute. Problem is when there is more than one ingredient I need to change. Everything gets messed up thoroughly.
I'm working on it.

Deb · Post by **Deb** » Thu Dec 29, 2011 5:50 am

Robin, I too have been using gluten free sauces, gravies, pastas, etc. at family gatherings and nobody is even noticing.

I think you're right that fresh, real food is the answer. Somehow I don't think, however, we'll ever get a perfect
bread.
A hint I just recently learned and haven't tried....I love crab cakes and my recipe used a bit of bread crumbs (for which I've used GF bread). This recipe substituted ground/pulverized shrimp or fish for the bread as a binder. I'm planning to try it soon.