DINNER and TALK with DAN

[barbaranoela]

good morning dear friends---

anyway this isnt *tale* wagging---
I gather its an issue that can occur in anyones family and as to how U face/handle it~~~

Lou's cousin Dan was informed,by his daughter Diane, who WAS married--has 2 children--Jason 18 and Gina 15--then divorced (8 years back) --is a credited acupuncturist ,with her own business--- THAT she is in LOVE!!!

Dan thought, how great, until Di told him its with another WOMAN---who is in a rock group that does lead ins for BIG rock bands--

My daughter Deb knew about this for the past 6 months---when the affair started but Di didnt want us to know until she told her *dad*
Then Deb called to give us the update with Di's life--

So, last night we had dinner with Dan and his wife and of course chatting about this and that (and to myself am wondering--*how do I graciously bring up the topic*)
The opportunity arises when Dan gets up to visit the *gents* room and then I said to Marilyn---*listen we cant sit here and not let Dan think we dont know about Di*(who is gorgeous--loving and did a great job raising the kids(along with X)---
We had a great talk with Marilyn(wife) and then when Dan sat down, I said--*Dan,Diane told Deb it was time to let us know about her life and its something we can talk about---if U want to!!!
And he did---alot was said--he doesnt understand---was the feelings there all the time? is this just a *thing* due to the fact that she hasnt been with anyone since her divorce?
Diane's X feels that she has been this way and thats why she Divorced him!! NOT the reason--we know that---she never luved Bob---but if she lived with him,Noreen(mom, who passed away of colon cancer) would disown her?? Noreen being my soul mate--but she and I always thought differently about these kinda issues!!!
Anyway---Dan and Marilyn(2nd wife) will be meeting Dena around Turkey day and I hope all goes well--
All of the siblings gave Di---thumbs up---
And Deb--is happy for Di
And I have to say---Lou and I feel---if this is true love then let Di be happy and have a life---Maybe we are wrong---I dont know???
We have been a family that lived much of our lives together---Noreen and Dan had 6 kids---Lou and I only the 3--but we bought a 2 story house in Staten Island---then moved to our own places but every weekend we spent together--
Took trips---laughed---me and Noreen smoked and drank pots of coffee--Lou and Dan made @ the 2 of us. cus of the smoking--
And then 20 years back Noreen died and I died inside--god I keep losing all the most precious people in my life--
To finish-- Dan and Noreen lost a daughter ,Dawn, @ 18---then Dan lost Noreen---but married to Marilyn( a terrific lady,I might add) then a few years back U might remember --another daughter Dina--who is brain dead but in a home----cus he cannot have the final word to pull the plug--
Can U imagine!!!!! and now Di's luv is a DENA!!!!
Sorry if this was so long---but it was important to me to have U all hear it--
As I had discussed it in Monday nights chat!!
Have good thoughts for all of them--
thanks--
much luv, Barbara

PS. Dan is handleing this fairly well--his last words to us were---*but when its your daughter*--it sorta makes U wonder all the whys/what-ifs/etc.
And Di met Dena cus she came in for an adjustment---back issues~~~and there the *fire* was aroused!!!

PSS. The most important feelings I left out---Jason(Di's son) was very supportive when Di told him---and told Di---*mom,U deserve happiness and luve!!! Gina(daughter) was a bit set back and I think this will be tough for her---and yet I could be wrong--
PSSS. The rock group was in Tucson and Doug was going to meet Di for breakfast but the band left earlier than Xpected---
and the entire group are all from New Jersey--where Di luves and has her business--

Wish we could have a live *voice* chat--so much to ask---and sort out--
luve U all,
Barbara--BTW---any *in-put* would be appreciated

[CAMary]

Well Barb-

What a story I don't know but it seems to me you have the best approach to this whole thing. I think all parents have hopes and dreams of what they want for their children - but sometimes the children follow an unexpected path. In my opinion, as long as they are self-supporting, consenting adults who are not involved in anything illegal, family should be supportive of the choices people make. A person needs to find their own happiness, *not* the happiness others want for them...

I know my aunt (on my dad's very Catholic side of the family - priests, bishops etc. scattered throughout the family tree) was devastated when her son converted to a drastically different religion....fortunately they did not allow this difference of philosophy to affect their relationship.

If Diane's kids are taking it okay, perhaps everyone else should follow their lead You don't have to agree with someone's beliefs to love and support them (hubby and I are political opposites ) . Dan may be having a hard time with this, but it sounds like he is open-minded by willing to meet Dina @ Thanksgiving. I think they are on the right path to working everything out. Acceptance can be one of the hardest gifts to give, but it is *always* appreciated by the recipient...

Mary

[Liz]

Hi Barb

Well I agree with Mary. I think you are taking the right approach as well. Our childrens lives are theirs to do with them what they will to a certain extent. We can't control their lives once they become adults, we can only guide then as children & adolescents. What they decide to do in their lives & loves is then up to them. We just have to stand by ready to help them pick up the pieces if things go wrong.

I have two friends (females) who live together as a married couple & I have talked to them freely on their situation. They told me that it has been proved that there is a gene that controls sexual preferences like this. It is a possibility that Di has always has this inclination and it has only now been brought to the fore. If this is so, then maybe it was meant to be.

Our family is our family no matter what and I think we just have to accept these things and love them as themselves. Believe me I know, as we have had a similar situation in our family with one of my brothers.

Love

Liz

[Polly]

Hi friends!

I agree wholeheartedly with what has already been said. I must be dense because I have never understood why someone's sexual orientation is anyone else's business (as long as nothing illegal is going on). Whatever goes on in a bedroom between consenting adults is none of my business - nor the business of any government, IMHO.

I have a very close friend who is a lesbian, so that I have been made aware of many of the issues facing gays over the years. It takes courage to be who you really are when you may not be fully accepted by society, so I have tremendous respect/admiration for those who do come out of the closet, like your relative, Barb. She must be some special lady, and I wish her all of the best.

Love,

Polly

[MaggieRedwings]

Hi Barbara,

Ditto to what everyone else has said. More power to them and if they are in love who care what sex they are - love between opposite sexees seems to be on the skids in this country. I have a number of gay friends who have lived together for years and are happier than most others I know.

You have such an understanding heart.

Love, Maggie