Attn: DebE13 (or anyone else having a tough day)

[Gabes-Apg]

Deb,

I live alone which has its good points and bad points - I only have to hunt and gather, and cook for me, that makes living with MC pretty easy. Then there are days that I would love to have someone there to help me.

I have a few challenges at the moment, chronic Fibromyalgia, which I am doing a medication changeover to try and reduce the symptoms. The past 2 weeks has been full on, close to as bad as what I was just before MC Dx.
my renal function has dropped again.

i laughed (and then had a tear) at you wanting to throw the plate, but sensibility of having to clean it up kicked in first!

this is from another fantastic book - Just one thing- Rick Hansen

this is not only for Deb, it is for anyone!! ENJOY


Have compassion for yourself
life is full of wonderful experiences, but it has its hard parts as well, such as physical and mental discomfort, ranging from subtle to agonizing. This is the realm of suffering broadly defined.

When someone you care about suffers, you naturally have compassion: the wish that a being not suffer, usually with a feeling of sympathetic concern.
ie if you hear that a friend is in the hospital, or out of work, or going through a divorce, you feel for them, and hope that everything will be all right. Compassion is in your nature: it's an important part of the neural and psychological systems.
you can also have compassion for yourself - which is not self pity.
you're simply recognising that 'this is tough, this hurts' and brining the same warm hearted wish for suffering to lessen or end that you would bring to any dear friend grapping with the same pain, upset or challenge as you.

Studies have shown that self compassion has many benefits (leary et al. 2007; Neff 2009) including;
- reducing self criticism
- lowering stress hormones like cortisol
- increasing self soothing, self encouragement and other aspects of resilience
- helping to heal any shortages of caring from others in your childhood.
that's a pretty good list!

self compassion usually takes only a handful of seconds - and then - more centered and heartened - you can get on with doing what you can to make your life better

HOW:
maybe your back hurts, or you've had a miserable day at work, or someone has barked at you unfairly, or honestly, maybe you just feel bad, even depressed. Whatever it is, some self compassion could help
Self compassion comes naturally for some people (especially those with a well nurtured childhood) but it is not that easy for a lot of us, especially those who are self critical, driven, stoic, or think it is self indulgent to be caring towards themselves.
here are some steps for calling up self compassion, which you could blend together as self compassion becomes easier for you;

- take a moment to acknowledge your difficulties: your challenges and suffering
- bring to mind the feeling of being with someone you know cares about you. Perhaps a dear friend, a family member, a spirit, God, even a pet. let yourself feel that you matter to this being, who wants you to feel good and do well in life
- bring to mind your difficulties and imagine that this being who cares about you is feeling and expressing compassion for you. Imagine his or her facial expression, gestures, stance, and attitude towards you. Let yourself receive this compassion, taking in its warmth, concern, and goodwill. Open to a feeling more understood and nurtured, more peaceful and settled. The experience of receiving caring primes circuits in your brain to give it.
- imagine someone you naturally feel compassion for, perhaps a child, or a family member. Imagine how you would feel towards that person if he or she were dealing with whatever is hard for you. let feelings of compassion fill your mind and body. extend them toward that person and perhaps visualised as a kind of light radiating from you
- now extend the same sense of compassion toward yourself. perhaps accompany it with words like (said softly in the back of your mind) may this pain pass, may things improve for me, may i feel less upset over time.
Have some warmth for yourself, some acknowledgement of your own difficulties, and pain, some wish for things to get better. Feel that this compassion is sinking in to you, becoming part of you, soothing and strengthening you.

healing compassion filled hugs for you Deb.
Acceptance of MC in your life is not easy

All the care support compassion offered by so many here is sincere. Seeing as we are not there with you, you will have to take the words you see here and give that compassion to yourself

[carolm]

Hi Gabes,

I appreciate your post. Compassion for ourselves is something that takes some maturity and insight to develop, and I think it's essential to surviving and thriving through hardships like this. I think it starts when we become young adults and we realize that it's up to us to parent ourselves and give ourselves the care and guidance that we need at that point in our lives (and maybe feel we didn't get when we were younger). Then as we mature, being able to step back and see ourselves are people deserving of compassion is another big step. It's so important to our personal growth because frankly we'll probably always need to have compassion for ourselves. Maybe this is one lesson we get from our chronic illness? (I keep thinking that something good will come out of this but I've yet to define it).

thanks again for an insightful post.

Carol

[SmallTownLady2U]

Thank you so much for sharing. We really do need to learn to have compassion for ourselves. It is so easy to help others, and be encouraging. I pray everyone here can have compassion for themselves. May we all find our way!

[DebE13]

Well said Gabes!

Sorry it took so long, I've been wrapped up in my "second job" at work and can't wait until I can pass the torch. I remember in my 20's when I worked long hours because I had to and didn't miss a beat. Now I'm picking up extra hours, not for the money (although it helps) but out of necessity for my employer and miss my free time. I thought I was swamped before and now it seems like nothing! I don't like not having the extra time for "me" stuff but it's only temporary which helps me keep my chin up. It also helps me appreciate the important things- this site is a part of my life and contributes greatly to how I cope with MC. It seems like I'm missing out when I can't check in everyday to see what's up. Anyway.....

I can say compassion for self is one area in which I've grown since MC. Prior to loosing good health, I felt compassion towards others that were sick but never truly understood living with limitations. I have begun to allow myself to accept that I will never be able to recreate the life I once had and it's ok if I let it. The biggest attitude changer for me is realizing that looks can be deceiving. To pass judgement on someone (which we shouldn't do in the first place) because they don't look sick is unfair and hurtful. I have become much more humble and tolerant of others because we really don't know what another person is enduring in their own life. Letting go of the expectation of self perfection is ongoing- although if I don't expect others to be perfect why would I impose such an impossible expectation on myself?

The words of encouragement here are gold. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a rough spell- you seemed to have everything well under control. It's a reminder that MC will always be a part of our lives. I hope you find your way back to a more comfortable spot soon.


Deb