OK----I NEED SOME HELP!!!!!! for my NERVES!!!!!

barbaranoela · Post by **barbaranoela** » Mon Aug 21, 2006 6:43 am

Just heard from Lynn-----
Kait was away last week @ epilepsy camp----(which she has been going for years thru the foundation and they all know her issues and have hospitals/neuros nearby --just in case

The doc there noticed that @ the bottom of her last surgerical suture removal----a slight area of *PUS*-- feeling it might be an infection he started to treat it with peroxide and whatever---

HE should have called Lynn--in my opinion or taken her to the hospital--

Now Lynn tell me it looks worse/found Kait having a !!!seizure!!! *yesterday* and is calling Harter-----and wants Louie to take Kait to see Harter tomorrow!!

THE MOST STUPID THING LYNN EVER SAID TO ME-----SHE IS BRINGING KAIT TO COLLEGE ON FRIDAY----ANYWAY!!!!!

PLEASE TELL ME I AM NOT LOSING MY MIND!!!!!
PLEASE TELL ME THAT ITS !!OK!!! TO BE ANNOYED THAT ONCE AGAIN SHE XPECTS LOUIE TO TAKE KAIT DOWN TO THE CITY IF HARTER WANTS TO CHECK KAIT---

GOD SOMETIMES I WISH I WOULDNT WAKE UP!!!!!

I JUST CANT HANDLE THIS ANYMORE---

DOES SHE NOT !!THINK!! THAT GRAMPS IS !!TIRED!!!??
BUT HE WILL DO IT---CUS HE FEELS GUILTY IF HE DOESNT!!

SORRY TO SAY-----I DONT LIKE LYNN RIGHT NOW!!!

ITS NOT ONLY THIS---LYNN AND I HAVE LONG ON GOING UNRESOLVED ISSUES----WHICH EVOLVED WHEN SHE FELT HER OATS @ A VERY EARLY STAGE OF HER LIFE~~~~

THERE I FINALLY SAID IT!!!!!! IT WAS A HORROR OF A TIME---SOMETHING I WOULDNT WISH ANYONE TO GO THRU!!!!

And I will !!OPEN MY HEART and SOUL!!! to U all---

BARBARA

Post by **tex** » Mon Aug 21, 2006 8:00 am

Morning Barbara,

You are not losing your mind, and yes, it's OK to be annoyed and upset with Lynn.

Please don't say that sometimes you wish you wouldn't wake up, 'cause as aggravating as it might be, none of this stuff will bring on the end of the world.

Surely Lynn realizes that Lou is tired of doing her duties for her, but she will cotinue to impose on him until he says NO.

And yes, all the "wild oats" that Lynn sowed when she was growing up is certainly contributing to the mental anguish that you are feeling now. Try to remember that she is past that now, and trying hard to be a good mother, but she just can't seem to get away from her old habit of relying on you and Lou to do things for her. You and Lou will have to help her to break that habit, if you want it to stop.

Please don't let things like this dominate your thoughts and ruin your day. There's a whole world out there, waiting for you to enjoy it. Deal with each little issue as they come up, and then forget about them, and go on and enjoy your life.

Luve ya,
Galahad

barbaranoela · Post by **barbaranoela** » Mon Aug 21, 2006 8:52 am

thank U Galahad~~~~~

U R right----every word U say is right----
And as I have said a zillion of times----Gramps CANNOT say NO--
So thats an problem right there---

Yes, I have to say she is a great mom---
I guess this is *my* issue----

and I cant find the answer~~~

Thank U--
luve ya back--
Barbara

starfire · Post by **starfire** » Mon Aug 21, 2006 8:56 am

Barbara, Tex is SO right on this that I have nothing else to add. I do feel for you.....and Lou..........and Lynn and Kait, but as Tex said, it's not totally on your shoulders....you don't have the final responsibility for Kait...or Lynn. They are going to do what seems right to them or what they want to do whether it seems right (deep down) or not. Lou does these things because he lets Lynn manipulate him and he feels guilty (so would I as a matter of fact) if he doesn't. When he's had enough, he'll probably balk, but until then (and even then) there is nothing you can do except worry and get upset (making yourself miserable) and harp on Lou (making him miserable as well).

Dump on us anytime you feel the need. We care about you so much, Barb.

I may say things you don't agree with or that you feel is too harsh
but I definitely care!!!!

With Love,
Shirley

starfire · Post by **starfire** » Mon Aug 21, 2006 8:58 am

Well, guess you were answering Tex as I wrote. Sorry Barb.

Love, Shirley

kate_ce1995 · Post by **kate_ce1995** » Mon Aug 21, 2006 9:32 am

Barb,

I feel so bad for both you and Kait. You feeling so helpless, and Kait for still having to go through these things.

I do hope she can get to college on Friday. I was going to ask when that started for her. She needs to have that piece on normalacy too.

Hugs for both of you.
Katy

barbaranoela · Post by **barbaranoela** » Mon Aug 21, 2006 9:34 am

Shirley----thank U also-----for your caring too----

I almost deleted the post cus I felt-----there are so many other serious things going on ---but I need to open to friends----and so I left it on!!!

Yup I think thats why Lou and I are in this *funky* state of mind---cus I say *enuf* and he tries very hard to say no but the word will not come out---

Of course, there is no choice---cus Lynn cant afford to take anymore time from work---the *dad* will NOT go into NYC---soooo what does one do!!

Lou says *Im am being too hard-nosed* Well maybe I am---and I can be--
Thats why I appreciate all opinions---

luve ya Shirl
Barbara

barbaranoela · Post by **barbaranoela** » Mon Aug 21, 2006 9:39 am

Katy------but how can this college let Kait start when she has this *as Lynn puts it* a little HOLE starting @ the base of the last surgery---done a few weeks ago??? Being that Harter hasnt even seen Kait---to medicate her if this be another infection starting!!!!

This is beyond me------
Now I am rambling-----

thanks Katy--
luve--Barb

kate_ce1995 · Post by **kate_ce1995** » Mon Aug 21, 2006 10:33 am

I know it seems hard Barb, but its definately worth a call to the college. You said this one deals with kids with issues. This is an issue and it may resolve with approriate treatment while she starts classes.

I have a friend who has a bi-polar and thus never knows when he will be able to cope or not. He went to a college where he was able to fairly easily (with notes from doc etc) take incompletes and/or finish up assignments later if he got crazy. Its obviously not ideal, but its better than sitting around the rest of her life wondering if its time to start school.

Obviously her family and doc and school need to all be on board with this. But my $0.02. I do want Kait to be out there having a normal life.

Katy

hazel · Post by **hazel** » Mon Aug 21, 2006 10:46 am

In my opinion you and Lou are great grandparents (no not great-grandparents!!!) and what you do for Kait is out of love for her and because it is not her fault that her *dad* is not a partner in her care or that her mom needs help. It's only natural that at times you feel "put upon" and tired, but you have always come through.

My fingers are crossed that this issue will be taken care of and that she can get off to college as planned.

Hang in there, Barb, we are all rooting for you Lou and Kait.

artteacher · Post by **artteacher** » Mon Aug 21, 2006 1:08 pm

Hi Barb,

I's sorry to hear you're frustrated, but glad you left the post for us. Your kids are always your kids, no matter how old they are, and they always see you as parents, not people. They expect you to be endlessly giving and living for their happiness. And we sort of are, aren't we? I'm glad you've always been adult enough to be there for your daughter, because it's a sad day when kids have to start taking care of their parents. It happens to almost everyone eventually, but it's better postponed. I think you and Louie are amazingly capable people.

Lots of love,
Marsha

annie oakley · Post by **annie oakley** » Mon Aug 21, 2006 4:48 pm

Barb......you feel as put out and put upon as you feel like. You have every right to feel totally Bonkers right now. You aren't losing your mind at all...Tex said it all. Maybe you should get something for the nerves until things settle a bit, before you kill Lynn.
Sometimes our kids can be heartless beyond words. I fell for ya barb, we have issues with one daughter right now that is tearing Mike to pieces. So I know how this has got to hurt.....vent to us, we love ya Barb! Love Calamity

Liz · Post by **Liz** » Mon Aug 21, 2006 6:26 pm

Hi Twinnie

You feel free to ramble on or rage or whatever you feel like. Gets rid of some of the frustration.

I realise that you are angry, and rightly so but, you know, Lou has to take responsibility for whether he agrees or not to do Lynn's bidding. It is no use you getting all het up about it. Maybe he needs to learn to say no!!! sometimes. I know it is hard because you undoubtedly feel that may be denying Kait but it comes to the stage that neither you or Lou may be in a fit condition, healthwise to be taking on Lynn's responsibilities. She has to be made to understand that. Maybe she could be doing a bit to assist you when needed instead of the other way around all the time.

Family relationship are quite often affected by things that have happened in the past & I expect we have to just try to put it all behind us & take things as they are in the present. No one knows this more than I do with events in my family so I am speaking from experience.

Hang in there Barb. You have gotten through rougher patches than this in the past & you will manage this time, I know.

Lotsa love

Twinnie2