I am in need of comfort!! Please read

[barbaranoela]

Well I spoke with my sister-in-law yesterday (things just havent been right since Robert died--due to Lou's anger @ the way I was treated like a plain visitor--and things my ignorant nephew said to me--and a whole bunch of other BS-- we are all we have as a family--
And we talked about trying to get this family back together--but Lou's anger is not budging~~~

I didnt want to go to AZ.-in o4--cus I knew Robert was nearing the end but Lou said *U cant keep a death watch* and thats true--yet I did not want to leave Robert---

SIL--told me -*U know Robert didnt want you to leave for AZ.*----but told her!!*do not call Barbara and tell her this* !!
Robert wanted me to be with him and I so wanted to be when he passed--cus I wanted to hold him --till the very end---

Well I have been hysterical all damn night and still @ this time--cus I knew I should have said screw AZ. and be home ---I wish she hadnt told me--NOW

I told Lou of me and SIL chat----and I was --cus last night I dreamt---*I want to go home but I cant get there*
Lou is compassionate but stubborn---

When I get to the gravesight---cus we are digging around the stone and pouring my mom's ashes so she can be with Robert--- I am going to *yell* @ him for not asking me to stay with him till he passed---

A lousy 2 months --

I needed to post this---

luve Barbara

[tex]

Barbara,

I don't know anything about your SIL, except what you have told us, but I don't see any reason why she would have told you that, unless she wanted to hurt you, and she obviously did a good job of it. Please don't let her continue to get under your skin. She does that every time she talks with you. If she hasn't changed after all these years, she probably never will. She appears to be a bitter, spiteful individual, who prefers to continue to spread misery, rather than to reach out to try to heal old wounds.

If Robert really didn't want you to go to Arizona, why did he tell her, instead of you? As much as he loved you, I can't picture him selfishly expecting you to stay home, if you wanted to go to Arizona. Besides, if he really didn't want you to go to Arizona, why would he have told her not to call you. That doesn't sound right, does it?

I feel sorry for her, as I'm sure you do, but if she refuses to let go of her unjustified anger from the past, so that she can move forward, I don't see why you should continue to suffer because of her problem. It's her problem, not yours.

Please try to put her out of your mind. Nothing good can come of it.



Much luve,
Galahad

[hazel]

Barbara,

We all make the wrong decision sometimes. I have made so many wrong decisions, particularly with regards to my parents illnesses and deaths. Not doing something I should have done, saying something I shouldn't have said, etc. My intentions were good but the result was not. But what can you do? Time goes by and you can't change anything. My mother in law left the hospital thinking she'd see her husband in the morning, nope--he died an hour later. Same with my Aunt, and then someone told her that my uncle had been calling for her shortly before he died! So your going to Arizona was a decision that turned out not to have been the best, but there's nothing you can do about it. Don't let it get to you that SIL is telling you this now. It's unnecessary and mean on her part, but you can take it as evidence that Robert loved you enough to let you go to AZ.

Hang in there. BTW, hope Kait does well with the repair surgery.

[starfire]

Your SIL obviously just wants to strike out at you for some reason, Barbara. You'll probably never know what her problem is and I really don't think you should care at this point. She has lashed out at you too many times already. She won't let whatever it is go so you need to just let her live with it by herself. No reason for you to suffer because of her. You have tried more than once to "mend fences" and she doesn't want to to do that.

She should NEVER have told you that. She only did it to hurt you. I hope you can put it behind you.



Love, Shirley

[CAMary]

Barbara-

You can only look forward to the future, you cannot change the past. A life lived looking back is not *living* the present. I don't know why your SIL felt the need to tell you that. A compassionate person would take that to their grave...

You know all of those "God-winks" you get from Robert?? He is not angry with your decision. He probably felt guilty and selfish wanting you to be with him - and in fact I'll bet your SIL is somewhat jealous. He will ALWAYS be with you in spirit, and will continue to send you "God-winks" to remind you of that!!

Don't let her bitterness impact you. Chin up!

Love, Mary

[tex]

Barbara,

I forgot to mention in my response that I admire you for trying to bring the family together - I agree that it's the right thing to do. However, it's pretty clear that your SIL is not ready for it to happen, and you would need the patience of Job, in order to accomplish it, unless she changes her attitude.

Luve,
Galahad

[annie oakley]

Hey Barb...I thought many times that I copuld have done things different than I did with My parents deaths...but I chose to be with them while they were alive and knew me....so in retrospect...I did what was right at the time. And My parents know it. And so Does Robert. Don't beat yourself up, SIL is only trying to get you upset...she must be dealing with some pretty heavy issues herself to take it out on you. I think you did what you had to. Love Oma

[Mars]

Barb, I couldn't have said it any better than Tex did, along with everyone else.

I think that the decisions we make in life are made for the right reasons at the time we make them. The result of those decisions are not for us to determine sometimes. Robert loved/s you and maybe your SIL is still jealous of your relationship. It takes a hard, miserable hearted person to tell you something that would so upset you.

You were a wonderful sister and Robert knew that, and still does!!!!! Rest your worried heart and smile at the good memories. They are something that can't be taken from you no matter how anyone tries!!!!

Love and hugs to you my friend!
Mars

[Polly]

Hiya Sis,

Some things (and people) never change. Please don't let SIL continue to have that kind of power over you. She's not worth it. And whatever she says, take it with a grain of salt. Did she ever once have your (or your familiy's) best interests at heart......no, I don't think so. (And maybe not even Robert's either, sad to say).

And do you know what I find inexcusable??? That she has refused to honor your brother's dying wish - not to tell you that he wanted you with him. Heartless, cruel, and untrustworthy are a few of the uncensored words I can think of to describe her.

Love ya lots,

Sispolly

[JJ]

Hi Barbara...I agree with Polly.....very heartless and self-serving of her to treat you this way....It baffles me why people behave this way...nasty...nasty...nasty....

Hugs kiddo....JJ

[Alice]

Hi Bubbles,

I'm sorry your sister-in-law hurt you so badly. She is not worth all your efforts. She has proved this time and again by her words and actions.
She has no power over you unless you allow it!

You did what you thought best at the time. We all make choices that we later regret because we're human - i.e. - not perfect. I made choices regarding my mom and dad when they were in their final days that I now regret, so I know what that feels like. The best we can do is take what life teaches us and move on.

Love,
Alice

[m]

Barbara,
I'm so sorry you SIL is stressing you out so much. Families are such pains in the ass. Don't let her get to you. Your brother obviously loved you and had your best interest at heart. He sounds like he was a very special person. Cherish his memory.
m

[thedell19]

I used to keep things all bottled up and blame everyone else for everything because heck it wasnt me, right? I realized this and I try to do better and be a better person. But this realization did not come free as I still hurt froom what happened and I am sure the other person does as well.

Anyways my point is that until people realize what they are truely doing to themselves and others they wont change no matter what sense you try and knock into them. You just have to hope that the words you say will eventually guide this person to the realization that is needed. I am sorry for this horrible thing

[Liz]

Barb, No matter how hard we try, we can not change the past. We all have something that we either do or neglect doing that we later regret. Allowing ourselves to dwell on these things will only effect our health & can make current problems worse. You don't have any control over what happened back then but you do have over what you do now. The best thing that you can do is put your SIL out of your mind as she will only cause you pain. She will probably never be any different no matter what you do so why waste time & energy on a lost cause. She can never change the love that you & Robert had for each other so keep that in your heart & she can not hurt you anymore.

Love
Liz