Not a good morning...

[Courtney]

Hi everyone,

Usually, I'm able to be pretty upbeat about MC and its attendant issues, but this morning I am in need of a whole bunch of encouragement and hugs. I am throwing myself a massive pity party bc I have just not had a good week with MC. (A minor accident almost every morning and not enough sleep, and I just don't know why!)

So, anyway, for the past five nights I've averaged about six hours sleep a night, what with getting up, and muscle/joint pain, and not being able to get back to sleep once I do get up. On Mondays, I have late classes (4:00-8:20pm), so I typically work at home in the mornings. I thought I would let myself sleep in a bit this morning, but MC had other plans. I got up at 3:45 and didn't get back to sleep until 5:00. Then, I woke up at 6:45, feeling the urgency, but thinking I would be okay. I planned to get up, take care of the D, and go back to bed. Well, that's not how it worked out. Instead, I had major, explosive D all over the place. So long to yet another pair of pjs. It's appropriate that it's almost Halloween, bc my bathroom looked like a slasher movie hit it, except instead of blood, there was D. So, instead of sleeping, I spent two and a half hours showering and cleaning my bathroom, with more D in between. Add into this that overnight summer decided to come back, so it was incredibly hot in my house while I was trying to do all this. And then, while I was trying to empty the trashcan, a disposable razor blade that DH had put in there bounced out and nicked my foot. It just kept getting better. He definitely heard about that one!

I am so frustrated with MC and with myself. I don't know what precipitated this attack. I haven't had one that bad in a long time. I'm on my seventh week of Entocort, and I have been GF since August and dairy free since about a month ago. I know it takes time. *sigh*

So, now I have a couple of hours to do work before my hour long commute through cornfields (hey, even if there are no real bathrooms, there's plenty of makeshift toilet paper ) to the university, where I have to be in class for four and a half hours, then I get to commute back, get home around 9:45, and try to get some sleep (ha!) before I have to get up early tomorrow to be in office hours at 9:30, which none of my students ever come to anyway, bc they don't care. (That is unfair, but I'm in a horrid mood, and it's true for some of them anyway.)

And in addition to the D, my fatigue and joint pain has been really bad, and I always have to park far away from the buildings I need to be in and then walk, and I just really don't feel up to it. I've only just managed to stop shaking from this morning's incident, and standing for so long really did a number on my knees and ankles.

Well, thanks for listening. I really appreciate your being here, because if I hadn't found this site, I'd be thinking I was just weird, since my GI said I'd be all better after 2 months on Entocort. Ha.

Rantingly yours,

Courtney

[angy]

Hi Courtney im so srry to hear your feeling miserable...I know believe me i have been through all that too (except the razor blade)...Courtney you need to try to fast for a couple of days from solid food..and only drink juice (apple).. or other like pomegranite juice , see if that helps. Helped me .

Also you need some relaxation/meditation. I posted this link to wayne when he was feeling really low...

Try Wynyfryds meditation room" She has some great relaxation sessions.

Try ....Healing Meditation and Deep Relaxation Meditation. They are very good!!!I use a lot on my ipod...but you can download to your pc...

you can download here!!!

http://www.podcastalley.com/podcast_det ... d_id=26565


Hope you start to feel better soon hun!!

[Babsey]

Here is a hug for you, Courtney! I'm sorry you're having a bad time. It will get better, I promise! It has to, right?
I hope you are comforted to know that we all understand. Get some rest as soon as you can.

[katinchatt]

Hi Courtney,

I'm new here as well, not as far along in treatment as you. (Just diagnosed last week with CC). I soooooo feel your pain! My nite was similar to yours with a few explosive differences. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones (?) in that I don't work. At this point I don't think I could manage a job much less travel far from home. I admire you for what your capable of doing while dealing with this as well !! It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. I've had to do the 2-day liquid diet many times the past 2 months, it's the only way I could ever sleep.
KittyQuartz's suggestion of Meditation and Relaxation intrigues me as well as I'm suffering nearly as bad with depression as with any other symptom. I never ever cry, but lately I've wanted to lock myself up and just cry all day. It takes very little to get me going. What is that??
It's kinda hard to empower yourself when your tired, weak and not paying attention to the moment because your having to think about your future in such detail.
I hope you have sweet dreams and restful sleep tonight,
Kat

[tex]

Courtney,

I'm sorry to read about such unpleasant experiences, but many of us have definitely been there, done that. It certainly isn't much fun cleaning up such a mess, either, when we're feeling so rough. (It's amazing how much of a mess MC can cause, isn't it). I can recall more than one session, where I stayed busy for a while, vomiting into the sink, (luckily it was conveniently located), while sitting on the throne. For me, that was the biggest risk for a humdinger of an accident, because many times when I would start to vomit, the other end would suddenly erupt, also - a real bummer, (no pun intended). And you're right, when things start going wrong, they can really go wrong, when you're that sick.

Hopefully, you're not very far away from the time when you will begin to see some relief due to the diet. Thinking back, I believe that some of my worst episodes, (and some of my most embarrassing "accidents"), happened after I started following the diet.

As Babsey pointed out, it definitely will get better.

Tex

[tex]

I never ever cry, but lately I've wanted to lock myself up and just cry all day. It takes very little to get me going. What is that??

That is due to an apparently little known, (and certainly undocumented, except on this board), characteristic of MC, that many of us have to deal with. Since I am a male, before my symptoms began, I never cried - and I really do mean I never cried. Somewhere along the line, though, something was triggered that caused that feature of my personality to do a complete reversal, and I noticed that I began to shed tears at the drop of a hat, and remission didn't change that, either.

These days, I can read a post about someone having a bad day, and it will often make me all misty-eyed, (or worse). I suspect that many of us have that experience while reacting, probably due to depression, but what has happened to me, seems to be a totally different phenomenon, because I am definitely not depressed. In fact, I've always been such a happy-go-lucky guy, that I'm not sure that I was even depressed while I was reacting, (certainly not for more than an hour or two at a time). I'll bet I'm not the only one that has experienced this, either. I think it goes with the turf.

Tex

[Gloria]

Oh Courtney,

What a rough week/night you've had. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I always was grateful that I was no longer teaching when I came down with MC. I hope you are able to get through your classes without a run to the bathroom.

I hope things start looking up for you soon. It can only get better.

Gloria

[Courtney]

Thank you all so much for your kind words and suggestions. You have no idea (actually, I'm sure you do) how much it helps to have someone to talk to who gets it. While I'm still struggling with the sleep issue, I'm feeling much better today because I think I may have figured out one of my intolerances. Right after I posted, I went to make lunch. I had been eating Rice Cheese, and while I had read the ingredients before, I thought I would just check them again. Well....the very first ingredient on the Rice Parmesan was--wait for it--casein! And that was the third ingredient in the swiss slices! I knew I had a problem with dairy, because I had had a couple of incidents when I ate it and had D within about an hour. But I thought I was safe with Rice Cheese! Guess not...looks like my issue may be with both lactose and casein. I'm going to avoid it, anyway, and see if that helps any.

Regarding comments on crying, I am the same way. I get all choked up at movie previews! I've heard that, until puberty, males and females have the same number of "open" tear ducts, and this is why children of both genders cry at about the same rate. At puberty, a number of them close in males, and this, in addition to a certain amount of cultural conditioning, is why men tend to cry less than women. I'm wondering if people with MC are just a bit "looser" in general about bodily fluids. IOW, is there something that causes our bodies to release them more readily? Food for thought



Courtney

[angy]

Courtney try the relaxation..it will help