I cannot believe someone could be so mean?

jodibelle352 · Post by **jodibelle352** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 9:09 am

Hi All:

My oldest daughter;Renee has been going through a VERY difficult time right now and both David and myself have been doing whatever we can to help her through the situation.

A teeny tiny bit of information you need is that Renee is not my biological daughter. Renee's Mother passed away back in Sept. of 1972 when she was only 8 yrs. old.

Now I can proceed and finally "let out" what I've been holding inside for several weeks now. I have stopped in a few times and caught up on post but only stayed a short time. But have found myself leaving to deal with David or with my oldest daughter and what they've been dealing with.

On Feb.15th, David's father-in-law from his 1st marraige and of course Renee's grandfather passed away at the age of 89 yrs. Grandma passed away a year ago the 30th of Jan. leaving Grandpa alone and as we all know it's very lonely for the other spouse of so many yrs. to follow shortly after.

I posted back in Sept. about a terrible car accident that happened where a young woman, 23 yrs. old and was 8 months pregnant lost her baby on impact in this accident and leaving her in a coma for almost 4 months. This accident was caused by an 18 yr. old who was driving drunk after leaving a party where minors were being served and was allowed to leave when it was abundantly clear he was very drunk.

This party was at the home of David's former brother-in-law and Renee's uncle. Both Renee's uncle and his wife have been known in our small community of Vassar for allowing their minor children;18,20 and their oldest son of 22 to have parties for a very long time. Infact it was just a matter of time before something would surely happen because of these parties.

On Sept. 21st Travis Davis who was only 18 was allowed to leave this party and he was very intoxicated. He broadsided a car that a young couple was in (Angie and Brian) and the baby Angie was carrying died when the seat belt she was wearing cut her abdomen and severed the babies imbilicle cord.

Sorry I'm being so detailed but I want anyone reading to know just how tragic this accident was. An unborn baby's life was taken. This was a baby it was not just a fetus. Angie is now unable to have anymore children because of the injuries she sustained because of this accident.

Our daughter Renee has a daughter; Erica my grand-daughter who is/was best friends with Angie and Brian who was also at the hospital when baby; Logan was pronounced dead and was asked to be the God-Mother of Logan who was blessed, baptized and dedicated to God the night/early morning of the accident.

It was made known the day after the accident that the young man driving the other vehicle had been at a party the night before where minors were being served and was allowed to drive when he was intoxicated to drive home when the accident occured. Yes, you are know putting the pieces together and you are very RIGHT the party was at my daughters uncles home where both he and his wife were present, bought the alcohol and allowed the minors to party and drink even in their presence.

Once the investigation started and it was discovered that the young driver was at a party Renee's uncle and his wife were also facing charges. On several occassions this uncle made phone calls, visited Renee and her family requesting that they lie about anything/everything they knew about what happened the night of the accident. Renee and her daughter refused to lie to investigators which caused a deep wedge within the family.

To complicate everything, Grandpa dies on Feb.15th. Because of the uncles displeasure with my daughter and grand-daughter he called and told Renee that she and her family were not going to be allowed at the funeral home or the funeral.

My husband David tried his best to smooth things over by calling Renee's aunt who would not return any of his calls so David decided to contact the funeral home. Since the funeral home is a public place the uncle could NOT keep Renee or anyone else for that matter away from paying their respects. Our daughter who was/is deeply hurt by the actions of her uncle and her aunt decided that all she wanted was just to beable to spend sometime with Grandpa privately, then leave before the family arrived so that NO further confrontations with her uncle could take place. So David made arrangements with the funeral director so Renee could come before the others privately then leave. These arrangements were made and David and myself as well as her daughter/our grand-daughter, Renee and her husband only 5 of us went together then left.

When I met and married David 36 yrs. ago NEVER did we EVER refuse David's previous wifes family access to Renee. That would NEVER and did NOT ever happen. She was very close to her Grandparents and loved them dearly.

Tex just so you are at ease I am not in a deep depression as you and many others have seen me in the past. However, I am in a mind set that makes me very uncomfortable because I made a vow to Renee at the age of 9 when her father and I married, that I felt that her mother was now in heaven and taking care of the child I had lost and that now I was being allowed to care for her. I never kept her mother's family from her and to have her uncle do this to my daughter is the meanest thing I've ever heard of anyone to or could do to another person. It truly breaks my heart and has put me in a "protective mother mode". I am so angry with this man that I would truly like to punch him. When I say punch I really mean I would like to knock him on his azz!!!!!!!!!

Sorry if I've taken so much of your time but I needed to beable to vent with the hopes that maybe my friends here might beable to give me any advise and even a different perspective way of looking at this situation.

Love and God Bless All of You:
Jodi

Jan · Post by **Jan** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 1:07 pm

Dear Jodi,

How I feel for you and your daughter. I have heard of other families who have been as mean or meaner than this. It would be easy for Renee to cave in a cover up for "family". I am glad she was raised to tell the truth, no matter what the consequences. Unfortunately between those circumstances and then a death, emotions are very high. I can only hope that some day her uncle will wake up and realize the damage he has done.

I am glad that your loving DH was able to make the arrangements for the private time at the funeral home. At least you all have closure on that part of your life.

I send hugs and will keep all of your family in my prayers.

Jan

jodibelle352 · Post by **jodibelle352** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 5:20 pm

Thank You Jan:

Your kind words truly mean a lot to me.

I'm just venting at this time and feel like I want to "smack" someone! And that's putting it mildly.

Renee's uncle is 57 yrs. old the same age I am and by now should beable to use common sense. My daughter and grand-daughter are NOT going to do what he has requested. It's just NOT going to happen. They are not going to ask any of the young adults who were at the party that night to lie or retract their statements to the investigators. I know my daughter and grand-daughter and they will not do that. Because they are refusing to cover up his part in this accident he's decided if it weren't for her and Erica he wouldn't be in the trouble he's in. Soooooooo now that Grandpa has passed he's banned her from any connection to him or the rest of the family.

It hasn't been the greatest move on his part because several family members as well as friends stopped, payed their respects then left which is very sad because so many of them are very good people and would have been beside the entire family during this time.

Anyway, "thank you" once again for your love and support.

Love and God Bless:
Jodi

hazel · Post by **hazel** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 5:36 pm

This is a very sad story. Your town must be a small one, where everyone knows each other. The connection between your granddaughter and the family who lost the baby because of being broadsided by a boy who got drunk at her great-uncle's house is ironic and so so sad. The behavior of the uncle now (blaming Renee and Erica and "banning" them from the funeral) is consistent with his behavior before (letting young people drink to excess) irresponsible. He will have to come to his senses someday I hope and accept his role in the sad story. I doubt he has the power to keep the rest of family from interacting with Renee. Meanwhile, I'm glad she has you and David. Hang in there!

starfire · Post by **starfire** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 5:50 pm

I agree, Hazel.

I feel that any family member worth calling a family member will not let one man stand between your daughter and them. If they do it is their loss.

You need to "let go" and relax about it. It will all be ok in the long run. I know that sounds easy but I know it isn't an easy thing to do. However, it does work when you can accomplish that attitude.

Your daughter will be fine. She sounds like a person with very good character and I'll bet she can handle it.

Life is never fair, equal or anything else that people feel they have a "right" to expect. I don't mean that to be depressing or discouraging and I hope you don't feel that way.

Love, Shirley

jodibelle352 · Post by **jodibelle352** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 7:03 pm

I am very proud of Renee and Erica in how they have held their heads high and not let Uncle Gary's words and his ways change them. It's just that we don't know when our time here on earth will end and it just so happened that Grandpa passed while all this was going on. Of course Uncle Gary is also telling anyone who will listen that he might still be here if it weren't for Renee and Erica's behavior and their turning against the family. They have NOT turned against their family they've just choosed NOT to cover up or make light of Uncle Gary's behavior.
Will let all know how things turn out. The court date for Gary and his wife is March 16th.
Love You All!
Jodi

Post by **tex** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 7:36 pm

Jodi,

I agree with Kathy and Shirley. Everyone in the family can surely see for themselves what is happening, and make their own decisions about what is right, and what is wrong, so there is not much point in worrying about it.

If there's any justice in this world, on March 16th, Gary will learn a thing or two about responsibility. But, if he's not man enough now, to be responsible for his actions, then I doubt that the court proceedings will change that, so I'm fairly certain that he will probably continue to hold Renee and Erica responsible for his problems, but if the law comes down against him, his opinion will no longer carry much credibility. I don't know how the Michigan Justice System treats offenders in a case like this, but In Texas, he wouldn't be smiling when he left the courtroom.

Love,
Tex

Gloria · Post by **Gloria** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 8:11 pm

Renee and Erica have done the right thing by telling the truth. Others will recognize that. A baby has died and a mother is unable to bear more children because the uncle broke the law and served alcohol to minors. No matter who he is, he should be prosecuted so that something this tragic does not occur again.

Renee and Erica have clear consciences; the uncle does not and cannot. He's trying to blame them for his mistake, a common tactic to deflect the responsibility from himself to them. What a coward.

Gloria

MaggieRedwings · Post by **MaggieRedwings** » Tue Mar 03, 2009 6:05 am

Morning Jodi,

My heart goes out to you and your family. Your daughter has done the right thing and for what was incureed in the death of an unborn child and the cross the family has to now bear, the uncle rightly deserves what happens to him. Just let it go and believe in yourself and your daughter.

Love, Maggie

JLH · Post by **JLH** » Thu Mar 05, 2009 6:26 pm

This is such a very sad situation. Your daughter is absolutely doing the correct thing by telling the truth. You certainly raised her right.

There are no words for her uncle......

Love,

Liz · Post by **Liz** » Thu Mar 05, 2009 7:56 pm

Hi Jodi,

It does you good to vent a little

It is a very sad tale. They say time heals all things & I expect that the relatives will come to realise that what your daughter & grand daughter did was the right thing. Even the uncle should come to his senses as well, we hope. He should be ashamed of himself. Hopefully he will get his just deserts in court.

The drinking age was lowered to 18 here years ago & it has caused no end of tragedies with young people driving while drunk. They are just too young to take responsibility. There was one crash some time ago where 6 kids were killed in the one car. I tragic waste of young lives.

Liz