unwanted attention because of our diet

harma · Post by **harma** » Mon Jan 03, 2011 8:54 am

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A lot of us treat their disease with a gluten, soy and diary free diet. And besides that a lot also have a loooonng list of other things they can't eat. In my case it is easier to tell what I can eat instead of what I can't it, the "can" list is shorter than the "cannot" list.

But most of all, after a while find a way to get their live back on track and fit the diet in within their daily routine.

In my case that means, where ever I go, always bringing my own food. Sometimes I can be a bit fed up with up, mostly due to stress of other things. That makes me than disorganized and the whole food logistics go wrong.

The only thing I still don't like and I find hard to get used to, that without really wanting it, I attract people’s attention, when I don't join dinner, open my plastic bag with my own container of food etc. With family and close/good friends that is fine. But also with people I hardly know, they start asking questions (and never in an impolite way, I think in their case I would do the same). But than, yes I have to explain why I eat this. Well maybe I don't have to, but I do.

Also I quite often think it is necessary to defend myself, to make sure I am not just one of those lunatics that have read something on the internet did some self-diagnosis and is now trying out diet number 20. I always find it necessary to explain that I have a real disease and take medication for it. And tell them about this group and how successful other members are here with the diet, did the enterolab testing. Of course I don't have to do this, but it goes automatically. I am not ashamed of it, but it is something personal, I don’t always like with everybody. Especially when it comes to my toilet habits and the step for diet, IBD and toilet habits are small. Especially what I do and leave in the toilet I consider a private matter (my own one and also the one of others). Of course on this board that is different.

It is the same when I talk about my bulimia, thanks god that is history now. I am not ashamed of it and can talk openly about it, but as soon as anyone starts asking about how much I was eating than when I was binging, the throwing up part, that is a private matter what I don’t want to talk about.

I am sure I am not the only one, who sometimes gets annoyed by the attention you attract with the diet. I was wondering how do others here deal with that?

I want to emphasize, I am not talking about negative responses of other people. I totally understand that they ask the question, I would do the same. In the whole year I am on the diet I had only one or two negative reactions.

And also, it is not a real big issue for my that holds me back doing thinks (well with my trip to Jordan I don't think I have to explain that), just annoying

Joefnh · Post by **Joefnh** » Mon Jan 03, 2011 10:03 am

Harma that's a great post and I think it really does come down to attitude we have and accepting in a positive way whats going on in our lives. The people around us do pick up on this confidence and acceptance

The people we meet at dinners etc. pick up on our attitude, if we are hesitant and seem ashamed it sets the tone of the conversation. If we are confident about our choice to bring our own food, the discussion usually seems to be a positive one.

I try to practice this when I am out eating with my own foods. I usually keep a very positive note that this is a lifestyle change brought about by an illness. I also find that describing it as something more or less like celiac disease really helps others understand whats going on. We know it is not the same, but it does put the whole issue into context for others.

Thanks for bringing this topic up

--Joe

Zizzle · Post by **Zizzle** » Mon Jan 03, 2011 10:11 am

I don't usually have a problem talking about it. But I'm a blunt person, and I work in public health, so I love to talk to others about health issues. More than half the time something I say resonates with the person and they start questioning their own dietary habits. It's amazing how many people live with "hidden" IBS. I basically say, "I had to start a gluten-free/dairy-free diet 6 months ago. I have a mild form of inflammatory bowel disease, similar but milder than Crohn's and Colitis, and I've been able to treat it with diet instead of medications." They ask how I found out. I say "I had mild IBS for many years, then one day it was noticeably worse, so my doctors ordered a colonoscopy." Then they ask what happens if I eat the wrong foods. I say "I usually get sick for a day or two, so it's not worth it." Rarely does anyone ask me to describe what "sick" means. I often mention that I have a gene that predisposes me to celiac disease, and that 40% of the population also has the gene. I also mention that I feel much healthier eating meats, veggies, rice & potatoes, instead of processed breads and starches. I think that deflects the attention away from the "disease" and makes what I'm doing seem like a health-promoting way to live. I guess I minimize how crappy MC can make me feel, but I'd rather showcase how much better people can feel when they eat the right types of foods.

MaggieRedwings · Post by **MaggieRedwings** » Mon Jan 03, 2011 10:21 am

Afternoon Harma,

I know exactly what you are talking about. After 10+ years of this and carrying my food places, doing set-up for business dinners and events and exluding myself, it can at times get very "OLD" I have kind of taken Joe's approach in explaining that it is a diet and life style change brought about by a very serious illness and therefore, I have to be "off the grid/menu/caterer", and just deal with it in my way.

The hardest part for me has been trying to answer the following question - Q - What happens to you if you should eat something wrong? A - hard to answer that I will probably sit in the loo for the rest of the night but that is usually what I answer. I also explain it as something extremely similar to Celiac Disease - like Joe does - and they seem to understand this more.

All in All, I have not found it any easier to deal with than it was 10 years ago - I just laught more about it now and find that a good number of restaurants are working GF into their menu. Now for our dairy, soy, etc. allergies that is tougher.

Love, Maggie

hoosier1 · Post by **hoosier1** » Mon Jan 03, 2011 11:11 am

Interesting post, Harma.

I think none of the "self-image" issues with respect to the diet bother me because I usually eat alone and I overcame that "stigma" years ago. The diet, to me, is more of a nuisance than anything else when I see others asking questions about my ordering habits.

And I stopped caring what most people think about me years ago... Except for my family, associates, and closes friends (you), of course :)

Rich

Bifcus16 · Post by **Bifcus16** » Mon Jan 03, 2011 5:43 pm

Hi Harma,

Most of the time I just say I have a digestive condition and if I eat dairy or gluten I will end up spending waaaay too long in the bathroom. They seldom want more details of the condition.

If they say how hard it is, I say 'not really, I just have to remember to bring my own lunch to things like this', and how much better I feel for not eating stuff that upsets me.

Like Joe, I have always found that people respond to how I react to things. So if I treat as a just a minor conversation topic, and not nearly as interesting as other topics, then that is how they will treat it. Of course, people I work with often want more details, so I will openly answer those questions.

Lyn

Gloria · Post by **Gloria** » Mon Jan 03, 2011 6:09 pm

Hi Harma,

This is a good discussion since we all have to deal with it at one time or another.

I respond that I have colitis and I have to be careful about what I eat. I don't say that I have something similar to celiac because I think it is sooo much easier to treat than MC. Gluten is the least of my food issues.

When they ask what foods I can't eat, I tell them it's easier to list what I can eat (and it is easier.) Sometimes I'll mention the three meats, vegetables and grains that I'm able to eat. They don't usually pick up that I can't eat eggs, dairy, fruit, etc. and I don't mention it unless they ask.

If they ask what happens if I eat something off my list, I say that I get digestive problems. I usually don't go into any detail.

Gloria

Kari · Post by **Kari** » Mon Jan 03, 2011 7:13 pm

Hi Harma,

I'm also very glad you brought up this topic, as it is something I've struggled with quite a bit. It's nice to hear everyone else's take on it.

I'm finally starting to get past the phase of feeling sorry for myself for everything I cannot eat, and learning to keep a positive, upbeat attitude. I have actually taken to heart something you wrote here in another post, namely, to try and shift the focus away from food and onto socializing by enjoying the people around. The more I'm able to do this successfully, the more I'm able to relax and have fun, and when I'm relaxed, people respond positively. So, downplaying the food issue seems to work for me.

When someone asks what happens to me if I eat something I'm sensitive to, I ask them if they have ever had food poisoning, and tell them that's pretty much how my body responds. That's also advise I picked up from someone here on the forum.

Love,
Kari

Gloria · Post by **Gloria** » Mon Jan 03, 2011 8:34 pm

Kari wrote:I'm finally starting to get past the phase of feeling sorry for myself for everything I cannot eat, and learning to keep a positive, upbeat attitude.

That is a mouthful, and IMHO is a key to moving forward with MC. It does take a while to get over the shock of having to completely revise your eating habits, but once you've reached the acceptance level, you are on the path to getting better. You change from being a victim to being in charge. It makes all the difference.

Gloria

jme22 · Post by **jme22** » Mon Jan 03, 2011 9:57 pm

I can relate...

I was hired for my current job back in October and one of the women on the search committee who hired me wants to take me out to lunch to welcome me to the university where I now work. A kind gesture to be sure, but one that I'm dreading! I have so much nausea with my flares that I never know from one day to the next if I'm going to be eating or not eating. If it's a bad day, the last thing I want to do is look at food.

She has asked me several times and we have a date on the calendar for this week. Unfortunately, I'm having a flare again so I'm back to a bland diet. I refuse to tell my brand new employer details about my health situation but I've got to come up with something to get me out of this lunch. I think I might just tell her I was put on a bland diet by my doctor and ask if we can postpone the lunch. Even that is hard for me to disclose, but it's the best option I've come up with thus far. I refuse to feel sorry for myself, but these are the situations that are really trying with this dang illness.

Overall my experience is that once someone hears "colitis" they tend not to ask anymore questions, as everyone knows where that conversation will lead. Who wants those kind of details anyway?! (Other than you wonderful folks on this board!) People who are close to me know what to expect and always laugh about me being the "quirky eater". And as for the others, I say let them wonder!

Julie

Gabes-Apg · Post by **Gabes-Apg** » Tue Jan 04, 2011 3:56 am

most people relate the word diet to weight loss programs. Mass marketing trains people that it is ok to have a treat or all good things in moderation.

as we know that doesnt necessarily apply with MC.

The concept that there is multiple intolerances and there is no treats or exemptions is very hard for them to comprehend (as it scares them??)
most people comment that they couldnt be as organised as I am with my prepared foods and what i bring to work, the comment that they would starve if it was them.....
and alot say i couldnt give up beer i couldnt give up ice cream.
(i think to myself mmmmm when you spend a month locked in your bathroom you will be surprised what you will be willing to give up!!!)

I have found being positive and 'owning it' has helped alot, yep this does take lots of energy and i can feel a bit drained at the end, when asked about it i explain that sticking to my foods, means i have best chance at wellness and the energy to work and enjoy life, most people get this concept.

I started a new job today, I ate lunch with 6 other people and not one asked why i was eating mashed up veges, stewed meat in the middle of summer.
(i was a little nervous about questions from new work colleagues and they were all eating salads and fruit)

my new boss had offered to take me to lunch for my first day and I mentioned that i had a auto immune condition and had a eating plan that was a bit limiting, I then asked if we could do it another day, like a friday that would be great. (that way if i feel badly the next day it doesnt matter) they were fine with that.
having the confidence to sway the situation to suit me whilst still acheiving the outcome works well......

hope this helps

harma · Post by **harma** » Tue Jan 04, 2011 5:22 am

thank you all for your responses, there are very helpful, it makes my realize that this part of MC (getting noticed with your food issue, questions about it and the explaining part) is also part of accepting the MC, diet and the effects on social life. Just another step on the road.

I do recognize the more relaxed I am about it, the less an issue it is for me, the more easy going my surrounding is too.

I also realized if I don't want to talk about certain parts of my health and my disease, than I just don't do it. It is up to me how much I want to share or not.

For the asking out for dinner and lunch part, I have different solutions for tit depending on the situation. If it is a totally open situation, like lets meet and what shall we do, I always suggest a drink (coffee, tea or something else). An evening meeting with a friend always after dinner time. If it is during lunch or dinner time, I am totally okay that my company has something to eat and I have my drink (I make sure I had my dinner or lunch before it). And option three is also having dinner or lunch in a restaurant. But I am still quite afraid to give it a try. And dinner at other peoples places or lunch, I call in advance and bring my own food. Less stress for the host and for me. But all these strategies only works if I am open about my food issues. And than the circle is round again, I sometimes get a bit tired of that, the unwanted attention. What of course also has to do with, that I can be sensitive of what other people think of me

Bifcus16 · Post by **Bifcus16** » Wed Jan 05, 2011 8:51 pm

Hi Harma,

You talked about options for eating out with people.

One of my favourites is to volunteer to do the cooking. "why don't you come to my place and I'll do lunch. I have food intolerances and eating out is a bit tricky for me. Besides, I love to cook and I'd love you to come over so I can show you ........"

Of course, that only works with people you are happy to have at your home, and only if you don't get stressed out by cooking for others.

Lyn

harma · Post by **harma** » Thu Jan 06, 2011 11:24 am

As soon as I get in the mood again for cooking for other people, for sure I will do that, even it was only to show them that you can eat gluten, soy and diary free and have a nice meal. But at the moment I am still so limited in my diet, I will not serve that to other people. And call it selfish but if I have to put a lot of effort in cooking and can't eat the most of it myself, I just can't be bothered. I think it is my way of surviving or better said cooping with diet, just see it as food and only focus on myself (when it comes to food)

Gloria · Post by **Gloria** » Thu Jan 06, 2011 12:00 pm

There are some foods on my forbidden list that I can cook for others, and there are other foods that I can't cook because it's too hard on me. I can cook most vegetables, such as potatoes, sweet potatoes, and beans, for example, but foods that have a strong, tempting smell are much more difficult. Chocolate is impossible; so is any fruit, and fried onions smell heavenly.

One evening I was making DH dinner, and suddenly was overcome by sadness that I could no longer eat what I was preparing. I usually don't think about it, but sometimes preparing meals we can't eat brings the sacrifices we are making to the forefront.

It's probably easier to cook for others when the list of foods we need to avoid is short.

Gloria