starting preparing my return to Amman

harma · Post by **harma** » Tue Feb 15, 2011 1:03 pm

After my return to the Netherlands, the plan was to only stay for a month to 6 weeks and still I am here. It's so funny, the first leave in september last year, I didn't think and just went. Being back and the idea of having to go to the whole circus again, renting my place out here, finding a new place to live in Amman, has keeping me off, of making a move. How bad and lazy of me.

Also the rumor in the Middle East was a reason to wait and see. But, crisis in the middle east or not, after some long meditations sessions I came to one conclusion, I want to go back.

So finally today, I have made the first steps. This time I want (and have to for the money) rent out my house. I asked a friend who is familiar with renting out real estate to help my figure out a reasonable rent. Finding a renter won't be that difficult, since there aren't many furnished properties on the market in Groningen and thanks to the university and some international companies there is quite a demand for it.

Booking a plain ticket is not that urgent yet, this time of year the planes to Jordan are almost never fully booked.

Also, finally I am working on my first Jordan story, for a local english magazine. Once it is ready (deadline is friday), I want to start blog too and put it there as my first story. This one will be about Petra. I hope it also will be a motivation for me to finally start writing more.

Another thing on my list, is contact all Dutch travel agencies in the Netherlands that organize trips to Jordan, in an attempt to make a living there. Although I know for sure, I won't be a great group leader, I just don't have the patience for it, I hope they have other things that need to be done too.

This time I want to go for at least 6 months. That is time I can survive on my savings (and still have some left to start over in the Netherlands if things don't work out), but of course I hope I can stay longer, but that will all depend on how quick I will be able to make a living there and how much I earn. I have good hopes. Not because I already have good prospectives or something like that (at the moment zero). The good hope is based on an interal feeling. What it is important for that I know what I want, have a focus and almost always the rest follows. Of course with making an effort and putting energy in it. Another idea I have is find out which Dutch companies are active in Amman and tell them I will be there too soon and well maybe they need now and than need someone for temporary work. You never know. Some make think, haven't you than not already done that. No, I haven't

Since I got MC, in may already two years ago, it has been as if my life was on hold. As if it took away all the life energy and than more mental than physical. And after it got better, I has been so difficult to find my appetite for life back. Even more my focus, knowing what you want, believing in it and trying to get there step by step. Its difficult to explain, it's a bit like getting the MC under control, you have a long term goal and get there step by step. It's about getting my life under control again (but without wanting to control it), that I stir the wheel again, and my inner compass is working again. And getting some where step by step. Very important to me to remember, step by step. And don't worry about the next step or the one after. Deal with that when time is there too.

Well, I hope in about four week the Dutch flag next to my name will show the Jordan flag again. But even when it is a couple of weeks later, it will be fine too.

Only in case there is an official government advice to not to travel to Jordan or the region in general I won't go, in all other cases I just take the risk and go.

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JoAnn · Post by **JoAnn** » Tue Feb 15, 2011 5:05 pm

Harma, I wish you the very best as you make your many preparations to return to Amman. I admire your spirit so much in pursuing your dreams on so many levels and not letting fear keep you from reaching for them. What you are doing would be frightening enough without the challenge of MC. You are an inspiration to us all to not let fears hold us back, but to have the faith and courage to follow our hearts as you are doing. Thank you for giving so much to this board. Love JoAnn

Joefnh · Post by **Joefnh** » Tue Feb 15, 2011 5:39 pm

Hi Harma I have loved your stories about your last rip to Amman and now your upcoming move there.

I have found your stories very encouraging and they have helped to give me the confidence to make a decison of a potential move as well.

Thanks for sharing your adventures with us.

Take Care

--Joe

Kari · Post by **Kari** » Tue Feb 15, 2011 5:48 pm

Hi Harma,

I love reading your introspective posts, and the way you handle your life. I can definitely relate to the feeling of life being on hold while dealing with MC. I'm struggling to maintain the attitude that life goes on with or without MC, so I might as well try to focus on getting the most out of every moment of every day of every week, etc.

Yesterday, I bought a shirt that says "fearless" on the back of it to remind me of not letting MC stand in the way of living my life, so reading your post here was very timely for me. I admire your "fearlessness" and am so happy to know you through this PP family. You are very courageous to follow your intuition in living your life, and I wish you the best of luck with the next chapter in your journey.

Love,
Kari

MaggieRedwings · Post by **MaggieRedwings** » Wed Feb 16, 2011 6:58 am

Harma - You are a total inspiration.

You have such direction and stick-to-it-ness (american slang) for your life and dreams. I love reading your stories, reflections and travel logs. YOU have learned how to never give up on your dreams regardless of your medical condition or problems that block your path. You will get a job and do well at it.

Love, Maggie

starfire · Post by **starfire** » Wed Feb 16, 2011 8:21 am

I wish you the very best, Harma. I too love to read about your experiences.

Love, Shirley

Gloria · Post by **Gloria** » Wed Feb 16, 2011 3:03 pm

I guess I'm different...I'm aghast that you are still considering going back to Amman. I wouldn't go near any of the Mid East countries right now.

I realize that we have a member from Morocco and I don't mean to offend him or his country, but I think things are up for grabs in the Mid East for the time being.

I just heard that a CBS woman reporter was raped repeatedly in the Tahrir Square in Cairo - while the demonstrations were going on. Other Egyptian women reported it to the police and she was finally rescued. http://www.cbc.ca/world/story/2011/02/1 ... -rape.html

There may be a good time to go there, but it's not now.

Gloria

Tessa · Post by **Tessa** » Thu Feb 17, 2011 11:57 am

Hi Harma

We have not had the chance to "speak" before, but now that I am back to the forum and that I have read your post I felt forced to answer.

I am sure that you have taken this decission after a long mediation and because your "inner" part is willing to move. It is a brave step but I can see from your message that you are a brave person.

I wish you all the best in your return to Amman.
You will always have friends here when you have the time to write.
Love,
Tessa

irisheyes13 · Post by **irisheyes13** » Thu Feb 17, 2011 12:23 pm

I, too, wish you the very best with your move Harma. I haven't been here long enough to have experienced all of your posts but have found many of your recent posts to be thought provoking, enlightening and sweet and hope you continue to stop in when you can during the transition.

Moving is a very exhausting endeavor but it sounds like you are up to the task. I'm glad your inner compass is working again and you know what you want! Go for it!

Post by **tex** » Thu Feb 17, 2011 3:20 pm

FWIW, I have to agree with Gloria. The odds are almost overwhelming that there will be "copycat" movements in some other Mid-East countries, and there is absolutely no way to predict what the outcome will be in any countries that are affected. Life can become very "cheap", during such uprisings.

Bad things don't always happen to someone else - if that were true, none of us would have MC.

Tex

Martha · Post by **Martha** » Thu Feb 17, 2011 3:41 pm

Dear Harma,

As many others here, I applaud the way you have taken charge of your life, not allowing MC to deter you from making the changes that you want to make, and having the experiences that you want to have.

I think it's great that you are moving ahead with your plans to go to Jordan and make a life there.

But I agree with Gloria and Tex--the situation in the Middle East is very volatile, and this is perhaps not the best time to move back. Each day we hear of more countries with unrest, rioting, and people killed. The fact that a female CNN reporter was assaulted in broad daylight and it took a group of women and 20 soldiers to rescue her is scary.

We all want you to fulfill your dreams, but we want you to be careful of your life as well.

Sincerely,
Martha

harma · Post by **harma** » Thu Feb 17, 2011 4:16 pm

thank you all for your warm and caring replies. I am aware of what is going in the middle east, and to be honest I have no idea if it a wise decision to go now or not. But the middle east has never been quiet and I am afraid never will be quiet there. So if I want to wait for that, I have the feeling I can wait forever. What does makes a difference in my perception of what is going at the moment (and I haven't figured out if that is a good or bad thing) is that I don't watch tele. So a lot of the information I don't get.

Also what is going on at the moment doesn't always have to work out for the worst, it is possible something good comes out of it. Egypt does not have to become a second Iran, it also can lead to a more democratic system. In a lot of the middle east countries more and more of the younger generation is much better educated than their parents, also more and more study in Europe and the US.

It is true, nobody can predict at the moment how things will go and what will happen, but life does not come with the guarantee: if you don't like it you can return it within 14 day unused and with the receipt.

I still don't know if I make one of the wisest decisions of my life and this is a start of a major life change or that I am about to make the stupidest decision of my life. Maybe both. But when I go, it will first only be for six months, I will only rent out my house short term, so I do have a safety net. And even if my house is still rented out and I have to come back earlier, I can stay with my parents for a while.

I really appreciate all your comments, also the more critical ones.

Gayle · Post by **Gayle** » Thu Feb 17, 2011 7:28 pm

Hi All,

This is quite a DECISION that Harma is contemplating.

But Harma has done this gig before, so she has a fairly good idea of what to expect. And she also sounds willing to accept the consequences of what ever the decision – come what may.

I tend to think that we in the USA get a very distorted view of hot-spot news such as the most recent activity in Egypt, as well as many other areas in the world when/where there is unrest. It makes for great photo-op journalism. Our 24/7 broadcast news cycle repeats and repeats the same story’s and pictures for days. The internet is no better except that you add all kinds of opinions of every stripe thru that medium. All this information can really distort our perceptions. Personally, I find it helpful - for one’s sanity - to turn it all off after just so much.

When (if) it suddenly becomes clear to Harma what the actual correct course of action for her is – she will know, and IMHO, she should follow her heart. There is nothing sadder than ‘wishing’ one had done something when they had the chance, and then always regretting not doing it.

I am wondering … can the Netherlands really be taken out of Harma? – or – can Harma only be taken out of the Netherlands? (for a while).

Gayle

Gabes-Apg · Post by **Gabes-Apg** » Thu Feb 17, 2011 11:46 pm

Harma
*sigh* finally i have the time to give your post the time and focus it deserves....

i get the feeling that you and i are very similar in our thought processes and how we make decisions.

re the possible heightened danger, you are right, there are always political/cultural issues in countries like jordan.
One of my work colleagues has just gone to South Africa for a holiday, in the week she was due to depart was when there were issues in Cairo and major cyclone about to hit cairns, each time someone asked her arent you worried about safety, she would reply well it has gotta be better than being in Cairo and Cairns... and the locals in this area for many years have said over and over, toowoomba would never flood it is not near a river, after the 8 metre wall of water killed over 20 people it is a reminder that you never know what can happen next.

I spent many years travelling to Papua New Guinea (PNG), this country is permanently on the 'do not travel' status as Expats are a target for kidnapping and killings. At least 10 Australians are killed in PNG every year, if you know the risks and manage them there are no issues.

I say ditto to Gayles statement, what we see on our news screens is a slightly twisted version of the truth to get ratings. I know that overseas news channels showed footage of the Toowoomba floods in relation to the floods that occured in Brisbane.

you have more than enough information to risk assess the situation, both for your personal safety and managing your wellness re MC, i trust your judgement and congratulate you for embracing the change. woo hoo as homer simpson would say

Post MC, i think living life without regret is super important, we all sacrifice alot and make alot of changes to deal with this crappy monkey in our lives, and no matter how hard we try we can never fully shake it, it is always there.
Decisions that involve a change are not flippant or rushed. We are all following Ants wise words, softly softly catchee monkey.... take your first steps and the rest will be alot easier....

I hope you find the fulfillment you seek, dont look to hard, it tends to creep up and appear without you realising it, stop, breathe and listen as you take those steps.

I am in awe of your energy and your courage.

big hugs
take care

Martha · Post by **Martha** » Fri Feb 18, 2011 1:39 pm

Dear Harma,

You have clearly thought through the issues, and are comfortable with your decision to go to Jordan. Go with our blessings, and good wishes.

Martha