This is about Kait---positive? NOT!!

[barbaranoela]

All this time we have been saying how terrific she has handled all these operations and etc.
Well, it isnt so-----
Spoke with Lynn a few minutes ago---and this is the REAL KAIT and feelings--

Kait has NOT been positive
Kait has told Lynn---she wishes she was DEAD
Kait also has said---this is NO life
Kait told Lynn--she often thought of SUICIDE and when Lynn asked why she never did---
Kait said---cus I was afraid---I thought it might *hurt* and I didnt want to be condemned to HELL---and I thought of my family
Kait has been very miserable but she put up a GREAT ACT for all--
Lynn and Kait talk and Lynn told me this morning that she has known Kaits feelings for a very long time but didnt want to say anything to us--
Things may work out---and there still could be mal-functions!!!
She certainly cant go running to Phoenix---but this will be an issue that will have to be decided on--

I CAN understand---but how MUCH of this we didnt see--!!!!!!!!!!
I am so ?-----ya know I cant even think of a word to Xpress how SCARED I am--I hear Kait saying----*doing OK grams but head still hurts* and INSIDE she was suffering so much--not only with pain but with the thoughts of DOING AWAY with herself/and how she has missed so much of living---

This Neuro has done things differently--and the stitches will be removed within a week or so--

*H* was/is a big screw up-----I am assuming that Reecate will fax *H* as to what has been done---

So now we leave to see Kris play the piano---
I have to say I am *numb*
I wanna *scream*
I wanna smash everything thats in my way
I hate that Harter~~~~~~~

thank U all that have read this about our Kait~~~
Barbara

[Mars]

Hugs to you Barb,

In hind sight, there were many things I didn't tell my parents because of how I knew they would worry. I think Lynn and Kait were protecting you. Right or wrong, there were some days and times that you might not have been able to "handle" knowing that on top of everything else.

Part of Kait's illness/sickness and recovery has no doubt been depression also. I can definately understand that. The ultimate way to end the misery for her would be suicide. You think the extreme when you have no other answers.

I am glad that she talks to Lynn. That is the biggest help one can have when depressed. Talking to others puts things in perscpective and helps relieve the load on your mind.

I'll continue to pray for you and your family, Barb. I hope and pray that this surgery and the change in doctors will be the answer everyone is looking for.

How long will Kait be in the hospital? In Phoenix? I would love to send her a card. Might brighten her spirits!

Love and big, big cyber hugs to you my friend,
Margie

[barbaranoela]

Thats very kind of U---and thanks for the post
---it made me come back to saneness and just thinking--
Kaitlyn Nivins
Ronald McDonald House
501 East Roanoke Ave.
Phoenix, Arizona 85004

She would luve that
And I luve U *more* for that too
Barbara


PS. I dont know the address of the hospital but Lynn will receive the mail @ the HOUSE~~~~

[tex]

Barbara,

I agree with everything Margie said. I always wondered how Kait could be handling such a depressing conditon so well. Considering suicide is definitely a normal reaction in such a situation.

Obviously, her comments were made strictly from the depression, and hopelessness that she felt/feels. The fact that not only is she not dead, but she has never actually attempted suicide, tells me that she loves life, and she loves her family, too much to even seriously consider it. If she really wanted to be dead, she would be.

Underneath all the trama, and the feeling of hopelessness, she's still a normal girl, with normal thoughts and normal hopes and aspirations. The day her neuro issues are finally resolved, you will witness a miracle, when her real personality finaly has a chance to emerge.

Luve,
Wayne

P S I suspect that she's going to be receiving a lot of cards.

[annie oakley]

barb,,,Mars is right. Sometimes just talking to someone who will just listen is a tremendous help. I also continue to pray for you and your family. Love Oma

[Momster]

Again, I feel such sympathy and feelings of helplessness when I read about Kait's troubles. I can only imagine how you feel.
Just remember we are here for you and care so much about that girl and all of your family.
Our positive ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ and are always here for all of you.

Love - Momster

[celia]

This is really intense, Barb...but also so understandable. If only she could connect with a peer support group, that might make a difference.

You and your family are in my prayers. Celia

[Umber]

Poor Kait.....she has had so much to deal with. I can understand why she would feel the way she does. I am glad she let someone know how she was feeling! My heart goes out to her!

I am going to a card workshop today.....My goal is a card for Kait.

I'll keep praying......

Hugs

Lori

[JJ]

Hugs to you Barbara! Love, JJ

[Polly]

Oh dear,

I am not surprised but continue to be sad and angry over this whole unbelievable handling of Kait's medical situation. I remember at least once or twice in the past when you shared with us that Kait had expressed some suicidal thoughts. And she certainly cannot be blamed for having them. What is amazing, as Wayne says, is that she has not acted on them. She is resilient, a survivor, and obviously tough like her grandma. She has endured far more pain and grief than any human should have to, and she has earned my complete respect and admiration. Let's hope and pray that the tide will change (finally) so that she will have a chance at a normal life. Meanwhile, I think it's wonderful that she is sharing her feelings with Lynn.

With much love to all,

Polly

[Liz]

Hi Barb

You must be so upset over this. It must be horrible for her to live life like she has had to. I know how you & Lou worry about her & I understand your anger & frustration. It may be a good thing that Kait has expressed how she feels underneath instead of keeping it in. It will probably allow you all to give more comfort to her when she is is need of it now that you are aware how she really feels. My heart goes out to you & your whole family.

Love

Liz

[MaggieRedwings]

Morning Barbara,

My heart goes out to Kait and I so wish this would just be over for her and she could have normal teenage years. It is not surprising that her thoughts have wandered to ending it all - she has been through to much. However, she is very bright and way beyond her years in intelligence and deep down inside she knows this is not the right path for her. She will survive and hopefully, be the better for all this suffering.

I continue to pray for her and you and hope things work out soon.

Love, Maggie

[CAMary]

Oh Barbara-

How upsetting!! But it is a good thing that she feels she can express these thoughts to someone - a "cry for help" is always a good thing - is there someone she can talk to at the hospital - counselor/psychologist etc? I know there are people in the health field experienced with this type of thing...

I picked up a card for her yesterday...

Take care,

Mary